I will try to do something that I haven't done in a long time - writing...

Today is the 19th day of December - a Sunday. And it's 19:48 at the moment, I am at the "hobby's" working place - because it's our Christmas party.


Regardless if I thought of a million excuses just not to be here - I still am here; it's a dirty job someone has to do it.


There are a lot of things in my mind right now, let's make a list:


1. WERK. I haven't checked my work e-mail in three days -I've been slacking and/or I don't have the FLARE in me that would keep me a STAR burning bright, and not to mention the "hobby" is getting harder and harder everyday. Though the only consolation that I could get from the hobby would be the fast WIFI connection and not to mention the perks of being boss - or something close to it.


I didn't even bother claiming the pay on both of them and not to mention claimed or BOTHER even claiming the bonus and thirteen month pays - what will I do with that NOW?


2. a pesky ex-boyfriend who STILL thinks we're together and THINKS that yesterday (18) was our 4th year anniversary. DUDE! I broke up with you like two years ago. WTF?!?


Though as PESKY as this one is - this is just gravy. It won't even shake me NOT even if THIS guy bleeds or turn into a pillar of salt.


I won't - did not - WILL NOT/NEVER - give a rats ass.


3. a friend who just dropped a HUGE BOMB on me - one that would trample every bomb ever made and/or detonated in history. PLUS the fact that the friend told me to forget all about it and the friend's existence - now THAT is a shrapnel.


I did ask a few people - nuns, priests, doctors, nurses and/or just ANYONE I could think that will give a good answer without compromising confidentiality much less a name and/or gender:


What will you do if a friend tells you something HUGE and tells you to forget about everything and the existence of your friend?


But regardless if I deemed all of them as smart and or intelligent - or hell, merciful - they all agreed on one thing.


To be there all the fucking time if ever the friend needs a lil' comfort or something close.


BUT, I don't know still. This, for the life of me, is unexplainable by MAGIC - LOGIC or MATH.


THIS bomb shook me hard - and the shrapnel has torn me to bits.


I still don't know WHAT TO DO but for now I am doing THE ONLY THING that I think is best at this moment - and that is to talk..and talk and keep talking until this friend gets sick of me - regardless of the many things that this friend said out of impulse - out of being pig headed..I'll still be here - or there or wherever - it's the BEST thing I could do or THINK of doing now.


With patience - smarts - ingenuity and EVERYTHING I've learned and/or the world will offer, I WILL USE THAT.


Just to slap a smile on the friend's face and for this friend to forget - even for just a fraction of a second - that the world's unfair and not to mention very cruel and just plain bad.


I'll think of something better - MUCH better than what I'm thinking now. And maybe in time - before everything's over - things would look a bit brighter.


This may seem like holding a candle and facing the wind with it - but still, it's the BEST I could do, FOR NOW...


For a short span of time, things seemed wonderful especially when I found a good friend but also for a short span of time - and only a very few words - everything fell down and broke like Humpty Dumpty.


A few words took my sunshine away.

♔

For now, I'll just wait...and THINK of something to do better in time..because I know I can do whatever I can THINK - DREAM - or even IMAGINE;  REGARDLESS if it's EXPENSIVE - FAR - OR WHATEVER the world will hurl, given time and resources and a clear-focused head.

I CAN DO IT.

An unpublished post..

I wrote this long time ago - probably 2 or 3 years ago? - and I never published it. Which is weird. So, here..I'm publishing this now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's twenty-two minutes past the hour of two, on the second day of the second month of the twenty-tenth year..here I am, staring at an untitled notepad and doing something that I haven't done or haven't tried doing - with full concentration - for quite sometime now...

I'm trying to write.

Rain is beating heavily on my roof like a thousand lil' bullets from the sky - I wish one would hit me right on my head...My partner is dozing off in bed and I can't sleep because his snores would wake me and/or his breathing would suck my oxygen like a vacuum in the abyss.

It's like being caught in between Charybdis and Scylla...a rock and a hard place.

So, here I am. Again. With my bracer and rings on my left hand - for luck - TRYING to do what I have always done when I find it hard to sleep - aside from watching porn or read - I am writing again.

One issue of the graphic novel by Neil Gaiman called The Sandman is entitled Calliophie - the muse. One of the seven daughters of the greek god Zeus and Mynesmone - memory.

Calliophe was enticed - ensnared - beguiled by a not-so-best-selling-author who was in need of an inspiration. He was successful, this author, in ensnaring the muse Calliophe. He used the muse as inspiration for his work - his books.

And by inspiration - Neil Gaiman didn't sugarcoat it - I meant by FUCKING the muse til she became pale and thin - because after the fuck, words would come flowing into your brain and you'd begin to write. Like the author did in the graphic novel.

I had a muse once - a guy, of course: but still you call it a muse; check Google - he was fun and great to be with, not so long ago. I wrote and wrote here like almost everyday.

I don't know what - maybe it was joy that I had a friend who - virtually - has the same interests as I have and not to mention someone who doesn't give a rat's ass about the world - like I do - sometimes.

Keep your head out of the gutter, I didn't fuck my muse. Nor did I have ANY intention to. He was straight - straight as an arrow while I was crooked like a bow. But still, we went out together like best friends since birth and drank a couple of beers and smoked and ate and laughed and played and talked and talked.

And he'd come to my side at the snap of a finger.

Call me unfaithful, call me morbid, call me pale, call me unjust and whatever - but I never did a thing with his STRAIGHT or CROOKED thing - my muse. Prinze or Xilent Xmoker or whatever name he has fashioned for himself nowadays.

But then again, THAT was in the past. Past tense. Dead. Gone. Poof! SNAP! Again, like a snap of my finger - he was gone. Our bond - magical or whatever it was - was severed, by I don't-know-even-now-what.

He has gone away. Like a shadow lost in the light..I miss him. Really...

Right now, forty-two minutes past the hour of two on the second-day of the second month of the twenty-tenth year...I am writing without the help of my muse but with grief - anger - pain - spite - angst - feel free to pitch it whatever!

If I had but one super power or special skill or if I were one of the heroes in Heroes or mutant in X-men, and if someone would ask me what super powers would I like to have? I know what to answer now. I now know WHAT kind of power or ability or skill I'd die to possess.

I won't read other people's thoughts - because if memory serves, M told me that reading other people's thoughts would mean MORE worries for me. I wouldn't want that - my thoughts are probably messier than anyone elses.

Flying would suck. What if someone would fly too and blast you with his laser vision in mid-air like Superman? You're toast!

Being invisible would mean - you're a crook and you want to steal something or you're a wuss and just want to hide yourself from everything!

I wouldn't want those - I wANT SILENCE!

DOTA (Defense of the Ancients) has this hero that's called The Silencer or Nortrom, a Blood-Elf.

His ultimate is called GLOBAL SILENCE. Which would mean bad-luck for everyone especially those heroes who depend on skills - because once the Silencer casts his ULTIMATE everyone in the map would be silenced and cannot casts spells and would be handicapped in battle.

I wish I could do that, like what Merlin did when the men were having a meeting and no one listened to him or Harry Potter who can just flick his wand and shout SILENCIO!

I wish!

Or, putting my fantasies aside, I'd wish I'd be mute or deaf for an hour and be at PEACE! It would be like Sookie Stackhouse - a telepath - in True Blood, when she met Bill Compton - a vampire who had no thoughts because of him being undead. It was bliss for Sookie or Edward cullen to Bella Swann, in Twilight.

Today, I almost exploded because of pressure. My nape, head, back hurts still. LIKE A BITCH!

I HATE - LOATHE - ABHOR it when people would breathe down my neck and PRESSURE and NAG what to do.

My partner - as innocent as he is to everyone - has always been himself to me, like I am to him.

A bickering - nagging - condescending - hypocrite and sardonical lil' bitch that's what he is!

Day by day. Every-freaking-day-noon-night. In bed, while watching a movie, while eating. He sings and/or whistles the same old song/tune.

It's DEAFENING! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! And I don't know what to do already. Seriously.

1. I went BALLISTIC. He kept on singing/whistling.

2. I went silent. HE KEPT ON SINGING til chorus!

3. I retaliated - I sang too - HE SANG the more.

Yes, he is my partner and has been for three years now. And I love him - that's not a question. BUT THEN AGAIN - there are those times when one cannot just take it anymore.

He doesn't have timing or exact precision or excellent marksmanship like an archer does - when saying things or asking me to do things to ADD up to the heavy load that has been breaking my back the whole day!

And then if you sing about how exhausting your day was - he WOULD sing the more about his day and how he stood for hours on end at work and talked and not taking a seat.

I remember, when I went away from this town to explore new things in another place, there was a school for the deaf/mute near the place where I was living.

It was - of course - so quite. So serene. You couldn't hear children screaming or crying like the kids in our schools. No fighting or trouble of any kind would be heard from the outside.

A SILENT and PEACEFUL place where I could probably THINK and NOT blow up and explode like an atom bomb or a NUKE!

Global Silence.

I wish I could cast it on HIM or to whoever - like my mom - so that everytime HE gets ready to blow the first note of the never-ending song that he has been singing ever since he learned the tune.....I won't HEAR it anymore.

I won't be DEAFENED by the same old tune. That has been hammering my SKULL like backhoe!

Yeah, sure, he's my partner, I know, everyone knows that. BUT STILL, I can't carry the world or every crazy thing that comes with everyone I know. I can't DO THAT EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

I'm CRAZY enough already! INSANE even. I can't have someone who will ALWAYS NAG and BICKER and be CONDESCENDING and be a HYPOCRITE and would ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS plead INNOCENT and would ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS squeeze something out from you just for you to say the thing that he wants YOU to say - even if you are already on the verge of ripping your eyes out from their sockets from saying NO a bajillion and one times, HE STILL would SQUEEZE you tighter and tighter just for you to say what he wants to hear and be PLEASED.

Like a demon would after closing a deal with a hapless mortal fool...

I know, I'm complaining AGAIN - it's what I do best, next to bending over and playing dead - but I NEED to channel all this ANGST that's been supressed inside me. For quite sometime now, thank you.

There are no shrinks available in this old-boring-monochrome-BUT-safe-town, so I don't have a choice but to WRITE it on rock!

I don't want to go ballistic again or hulk up or let my OTHER personality - the one with the rage virus AND salivating like a rabid dog to boot - to take over and finish it for me.

This must be very boring. But who better to tell this to, but you?

I wish you'd get your silent HOUR or MINUTE once you need it

I really do...

I must obey: his art is of such power,

- Caliban
The Tempest; Act I, Scene II

The course of true love never did run smooth

- Lysander
A Midsummer Night's Dream; Act I, Scene I

~~~~~ The Bard of Avon...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things to do..

Since I have a scattered brain..I made a LIST on what to do..THIS WEEK...starting TOMORROW.

Wish me luck?

Facebook Animated: Why everyone is changing their profile pictures into cartoon characters on Facebook..

Do you have Facebook? Of course you do. Everyone has one. Mark Zuckerberg made sure that you'll have one - it's fun and not to mention everyone's in it.



I have one too. Regardless of the JOB (which everyone has one) but Facebook is fun - at times - and yes, it does have it's moments - people spoiling your well-thought-posts and notes but still, it's there. For the FUN of it all. PLUS Facebook has old good friends AND also has Vampire Wars - what more could I ask?



This week, almost everyone in Facebook has changed their profile pictures, from the usual boring mugshot to the fun colorful favorite cartoon character since childhood.



A recent question was raised on Yahoo Answers and to quote:



"Why are people on Facebook changing their profile pictures to cartoon characters?"



To answer the question - as silly as it may seem - current status or "what's on your mind" have been circulating around on Facebook and it goes like this:



"Change your facebook profile picture to a cartoon from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. Until monday there should be no human faces on facebook, but an invasion of memories. This is for violence against children."



And so, everyone did it.























Yep, it might just be a silly thing or probably just something to stir everyone up - remember the Facebook messages that claims that it's shutting down and you have to back your profile up?



I guess everyone would agree that this is more fun than that. Changing your profile picture into a cartoon.



And of course, cartoon characters are fun. They're adorable and they always make us laugh - regardless of the issues and drama of the world.







THAT is the paper today. And seriously, no one would really give much of a rat's ass about that.



I mean, would you really want to know who exposed secret agencies all the time anyway? WikiLeaks and whatnots. For sure we know the organization(s) exist but we never speak of it the way we do with cartoons.



So, if you have Facebook and haven't had the chance to change your profile picture into a cartoon - try it - join the fun.



Tap into that inner child in you.



HAVE FUN!!!

I am surrounded by IDIOTS!

With technology nowadays, one can be absolutely certain that he won't commit:

1. grammatical
2. spelling

errors. Especially in writing - mailing, making a blog post and/or anything as long as one has a good arsenal to make written things sound and look good.

BUT then again, this would always depend if, the person:

1. knows what to do
2. how to do it

Unfortunately, a lot of people don't know how to use the wonderful things that comes along with the Internet, like for example, again, spell check.

And what's more, there's no known technology that would automatically correct the person whenever he SAYS (yes, as in verbal) something that has/is:

1. wrong - wrong grammar and pronunciation
2. absolutely wrong
3. stupid and super idiotic

I wish the genius people would make something that would literally electrocute someone whenever he says something that's totally WRONG.

Like this morning for example. At four. I went to town because I needed to buy bread and load my phone.

There were a group of people drinking - probably commencing their Friday night. And there were two, one old and one young, who were aliens.

Foreigners.

And by their accents - I could tell they were very far away from home. And no they weren't Americans or Australians or British, more of like people from the heart of Europe - trust me.

As Christians and the number one country who believes in the ALMIGHTY and THE BLESSED VIRGIN, it has been a long tradition to follow every prayer and vigil or practice to the letter. Like October for example - the month of the Rosary. We always observe it, and that's NOT something we learn from school, that's something we learn because our elders taught us, unless ofcourse if you're Muslim.

The old foreigner guy asked (thick European accent) "What are they doing?" (pointing to the parade of people with candles lit and praying and singing for the Virgin Mother and the Holy Rosary)

One of the locals - UNFORTUNATELY A LOCAL OF OUR TOWN - answered: "Ohhhh..It's the AURORA! (Aurora Borealis? The foreigner asked) YES! It's a pagan practice. We worship here during October since November is almost coming and then we commemorate the dead."

When I was but a newbie working in the JUNGLE called Manila - we were always told to THINK IN ENGLISH ALL THE TIME and NEVER translate Tagalog to English.

"Mao na ang Aurora. Sa una pa mi gi tudlo-an ana nga mag procession. Dugay na kaajong panahon. October man lageh unja hapit na ang November, mag hinomdom mi sa mga patay."

Literal translation.

I bet my sweet patootie that THAT sentence in Italics was what the (unfortunately) gay guy was thinking.

This is shameful.

Seriously, it is. What if for example, those two foreigners would come back and bring a lot of friends from their place next year October?

And then we'll be tagged as PAGAN WORSHIPPERS.

Unfortunately, I couldn't do anything. I HELD MY TONGUE for the first time.

Because:

1. They outnumbered me
2. They were under the influence of alcohol
3. I might be pegged for as a crazy person

But oh well, I just proved one thing. THE IDIOTS have totally spread like wild fire in this town.

And unfortunately, MOST unfortunately, the smart ones - the REAL SMART ONES - are gone

Too much daramaaaaa!

The promise of forever and marriage would always entail (most likely) the following:

1. endless love (duh!)
2. trust - commitment
3. security (emotional, spiritual and like it or not financial)

WHAT IF, by some cosmic-God-given-joke number 3 would become (like a bone) brittle and will eventually break?



Think of this as a good foundation - all three of the aforementioned - in a great relationship.

AND THEN POOF, the third one would go break and everything else will blow out of proportion. Explode or implode - same thing - messy outcome.

Don't worry, I won't RANT (much) this time..I'm too tired to do it.

Wake me up when you have the answer on how to make all three function AT THE SAME TIME WITHOUT without the risk of making one NOT function.

THAT or tell me how to end it.

A (not-so-very) great story (ALMOST) never told...

College. Eons ago. I was, like you, in college too.

The teacher - in my World literature (FOR MAJORS, I may add) - discussed, bantered, and regaled us with Dante's epic poem The Divine Comedy.

We focused only on the first part, Inferno. Which, and I quote my teacher, is the place where most likely you and I are going to be in the end..

First canto, second canto, third, and fourth - where we talked about the first circle. Limbo. Where: "the unbaptized and the virtuous pagans, who, though not sinful, did not accept Christ, reside. They are not punished in an active sense, but rather grieve only because of their separation from God, without hope of reconciliation."

Then, as closing, the teacher pointed us -with sharp finger nails- and asked a very interesting question:

"Between grief and nothing, WHICH would you choose?"

And yes, Faulkner said that.

AND no, I didn't choose or even answer BY THEN.

One hundred million years, a bigger beer belly, turning into the dark(er) side, one million boyfriends and a LOT of one night stands, a crown on my head, later, I still thought of that question.

I had that question ENGRAVED on my skull and think about it in times of, of course, grief.

Yesterday afternoon, while showering, I thought about writing a blog post and would've entitled it "Looking at the World from the bottom of a well" inspired by a song of the same title by Mike Doughty.

But then again, like a bubble and dreams, it went POOF. The thing that I stuffed on my head just went POOF!

They say you need a catalyst to keep on going. And so, catalyst came or rather, HAPPENED!

We, the partner and I, came home early this morning at 5.30 after playing DOTA and just hanging out at the net cafe where we are, now, patrons!

And then, I crawled into bed and SLEPT the sleep of the dead (And just)

BUT it didn't just end there, HE was still awake and was bugging me on how he can't sleep. HE did everything virtually possible for a human being (and a mere mortal like him) BUT still can't. And even gave out the reason that his mind is still active while his body and it's energy is already draining...and then we came to another ROUND of WotW..war of the words.

Which ended in insults! (AS ALWAYS!)

My face. My receding hair. My whatever - he can think of!

M asked, not so long ago, "IS IT BECOMING A BIG DEAL?"

HANDS DOWN! YES!

At first, I ignored it and THEN it has become like a daily drug dosage. Which kinda sucks if you get overdosed. Like a bug that will never go away EVEN if you would flick it one to million times.

The lil' things have all piled up to cover me. It's like it has finally SHOWED up its UGLY head and slapped me in the face.

1. We don't kiss much anymore - REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER REASON HE CAN, in his mind, CONCOCT!

2. We don't TALK MUCH anymore. Because it would ALWAYS end up with (you're thinking of someone, waiting for a text from someone, missing someone, wanting to meet someone)

3. There are just times that I would like to THROTTLE his throat because HE would just CLAM UP and NOT talk for a LONG TIME and sometimes HE does it in the LEAST LIKELY PLACE where you would expect it. E.G.: IN PUBLIC.

I know, it MAY SOUND like cheesy TO YOU..the kissing and the flower and chocolate thingy..it IS cheesy BUT, these are the lil' things I miss.

Then, still in bed, the WotW came to dropping of HUGE BOMB. He dropped his first, which was like a NUKE!

It was about the people I call friends.

I know, I call ALMOST every guy friends. ESPECIALLY when I see something interesting in them.

BUT then again, HE said, they will ONLY last for a minute.

And then, as a LOUSY RETORT, and the only thing on my mind, the only thing I said was: "I'd rather HAVE A MINUTE of borrowed JOY than an eternity of THIS!"

And I clammed up and so did he - BUT still HE didn't sleep yet.

BUT I did. Thankful that I didn't get bad dreams. Thankful that, Morpheus / Oneiros / The Dream King / The Sandman / Lord Shaper / The prince of stories didn't send me nightmares.

Because sometimes, like you, I do get bad dreams.

Which is pretty much difficult to differentiate from the reality in which I wake up to. Hmmmm.

In days time, I will be SILVER!

The holy element that lycanthropes fear, a slice from a blade made from it, they will incinerate on the spot like a moth to the flame! And of course, vampires weaken at the THOUGHT of it. It's a holy thing. Silver. Like Apollo of the sun who is gold, Artemis his twin sister, silver, is of the moon and her arrows are silver-tipped that would rip even your soul!

I WILL BE SILVER!!

On that day, I would LEVEL UP! I would grow (physically) and of course, the bitter fact, I would be one year closer to the cold, dark, embrace of grandmother Death. Where her roses always bloom blue and the sun never sets.

But right now, the ETERNITY has started. And, lil' by lil' I think DEATH is coming a bit too soon.

UNLIKE HIM, who carries the WEIGHT of the world. UNLIKE HIM who ALWAYS refer to his dreams as VISIONS (ESPECIALLY when it's ABOUT me being SCREWED by some straight guy that HE sees as a THREAT!). UNLIKE HIM who would just clam UP at the most unlikely times and who would show UNLIKELY emotions (ESPECIALLY during parties. E.g. A birthday party in which HE announced "I DUNNO WHY I'm NOT IN THE MOOD TODAY!") UNLIKE HIM who spends ALL day THINKING about TOMORROW!

I do NOT have a five - ten - twenty year plan.

A common interview question is: "Where would you be 5 - 10 - 15 - 20 - years from now?"

I dunno WHAT to say to this. I just make up something like: "I'd be happily working in this company, and given everything - the things I've learned from my studies and the things I've learned from this company...blahhhhhhh blaahhh.."

I dunno, REALLY where I'm going. BUT then again, who does?

I NOW KNOW that TODAY matters, because yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and TODAY IS PRESENT!

I have a LOT of things to do. And DYING and be MISERABLE for ALL OF ETERNITY (in my immortal life) would just have to wait ANOTHER DAY!

Because I think that I STILL have a lot of to and I have not (for the IMMORTAL life of me:)

1. been on a plane for MORE than an hour (kay 30 minutes ra ang Manila to Tacloban)

2. been underwater (WITH A SCUBA gear) and swam with dolphins (which are gay sharks and sea turtles (dudddeeee!!!)

3. been on horseback ride (though I've gone BAREBACK in some other ways.) ;)

4. been on a helicopter (THOUGH I DID board it for at least five minutes, when I was five years old, daddy-yo was still in the army reserve whatever that time)

5. been OUT OF THE COUNTRY! Out of my mind, more like it.

6. been in an orgy (threesomes don't count. DUH?!?!)

7. been in a theater where I can watch my favorite musicals: RENT, WICKED or MS. SAIGON

8. been on a plane where you can skydive!!

9. been on stage where one can sing (verse choirs DON'T COUNT too!)

10. mastered the piano! (first stanza AND chorus of It Ends Tonight by The All American Rejects don't count TOO!) and/or played (smoothly) a musical instrument (MY VOICE doesn't count either)

11. made a video or audio book.

12. been THE BOSS. (SECRETARY doesn't count - that's just temporary power and me power-tripping, SOMETIMES!)

13. ATE a whole cake to myself

14. dyed my hair in a different color (HIGHLIGHTS, specks of it, don't count too!)

15. MET an actor (national and international) Miko Palanca, while I was AWAY, asking me for a lighter, at 2 in the morning while I was on lunch break, didn't count!)

16. I HAVE YET to figure out WHAT HE wants if HE gives me "THE LOOK."

17 - 1 million. Some things I have YET to THINK about.

THESE things I probably will do or WILL happen in time.

I WILL try NOT to die yet because of misery and or pain and an ETERNITY of the promised CRUELTY and NAGGING.

NOT TODAY. NOT EVER!

In the END..HE SLEPT! (I HAD snapped a picture BUT HE has deleted it AFTER checking my phone because HE WOULD ALWAYS THINK that I'm TEXTING SOMEONE HE doesn't KNOW!)

And at THAT moment, I wanted to THROTTLE HIM!

As a big fan of J.K. Rowling and Harry Potter. One would note the Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and it's Coat of Arms.

It says:

"Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus"



Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon.

And yes, you can all go take THAT to the bank.

Cheers!

All I really wanted...

is an Iphone...

OR

maybe the GUY that comes along with the Iphone...

ORRRRRRRRRRRRRR

both...

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies...

SO HE asked me a question, a very ENIGMATIC one..

What I'd like for MY birthday.

His suggestions were:

1. DRINK ALL you can (which is of course tempting BUT I'm STILL on a self-imposed liquor ban.

2. ANY GUY I choose and HE'd give me the "freedom" (WHICH again, is tempting, BUT no...I'm on a hiatus..seriously - if you want me to put it bluntly - NA BOOONNG NAKO!!!)

3. A HUGE - HUGE celebration since I'm gonna be (haha) silver. (I didn't GIVE in to this either because, aside from the obvious, I'm BROKE - destitute - and I don't want to add ANOTHER burden on his back.

I didn't choose ONE of the three, instead IN MY MIND, I thought of ONE thing.

SILENCE would be GREAT on that day. I need the world to stop, like what Joshua prayed in The Old Testament, and the that was the day the SUN stood still...

That WOULD be nice..

OR if that won't happen, you can get me this:



Hmmmmm...

The Problem With Choices...

Is that you don't know where you're going or heck, you don't know the result.

I chose a lot of things - LIKE not following the required stuff my course needed me too, coming home from the big city and leaving everything behind (the job and all), I also chose to just STAY home and live - and/or die living.

BUT then again, I do not know what will happen in the end because I'm:

A. Going out on a limb
B. Walking in the dark, with no light and/or echo or sonar to guide me.

I chose this: Being here and NOT going out there into the (more) wild world - a jungle...I'm staying here at home, which is (like it or not) a circus!

Along with the choice of staying home. STAYING PUT! Comes the financial part. There are just days when I'd go DESTITUTE - seriously. And there are also days when I'd be a one day millionaire (like yesterday AND today at work - I closed a darn good deal with advertisers)

As you already know, my computer - regardless of the very magnanimous loan of my Maker - is STILL UNDEAD and unusable. I talked to my sister about it - who made a choice of NOT staying at home and work out there in the (very) wild world.

She has checked the price of the THING that's missing in the computer, which will keep it running.

BUT she was flabbergasted by the price - 3K+.

She sent me a torrent of text messages telling me how hard it is..OK OK FINE!

Tell me something I have heard before, I thought.

AND THEN, my mind blew out into proportion and WILL NOT TAKE THAT KIND OF YACKING from someone younger than me and of course my little sister.

I TOLD HER, NOT to a bitch about it because WHATEVER happens I WILL ALWAYS be OLDER than she is and I also told her THAT I've BEEN THERE and DONE THAT and grabbed the shirt already from the JOB that you're in now, AND MUCH MUCH - MUCH - more!

I told her, as closing, NOT to be a a bitch about her job, because I can do it MUCH better than she can. I just chose not to...

And so there, that ended my day.

Ahhhh...FUN!

Misery Loves Company...

For days now, I have been LONELY and MISERABLE...the fact that MY BABY is still dead because she needs a MOTHERBOARD which is millions worth for me - and I've been thinking WHICH body part I should pawn - and not to mention the COUNTLESS "reminders" of my partner which goes on non-stop from eating until bedtime..

My phone (a Nokia 7210 Supernova - a gift from my sister) is a powerful one, though it's NOT like an Iphone or whatever...BUT still, it's good enough for me..because it can take great pictures (like the ones in my albums) and record and grab videos and not to mention grab e-books on JAVA format..which is wonderful!

So, these books have kept ME company in the MIDST of my misery (angst, spite and bitterness!)



Percy Jackson and The Olympians...I know, it's CHILD's PLAY! BUT it has humbled me and not to mention NUMB me from the issues of the world. THE JOY of reading a good book in your own cellphone!

I'm working on the last few books of The Sookie Stackhouse (Southern Vampire) Mystery Series...JOY!!

So, I can deduce...it's OK to be miserable as long as you have good company.

HAH!

In all my spite...I turn it off..

Since I can't put it in words..I'll just say it in a (not so very love) song...

I miss you...

My FAVORITE PORN STAR in the WORLD!!

Hello, AGAIN darkness...

And now, it has come to pass that I DON'T have a choice ANYMORE. For someone who believes that life is a test of multiple choice - I am LEFT with none.

Nada. Zilch. ZERO! Kapooot!

Let's start.

Today at work was KIND OF PAY DAY. BUT, no one got what they wanted - the BIG RAISE because of someone who got fired long time ago BUT still isn't (for a lack of a better term) moving out and so this person isn't OUT of the payroll too.

WHICH SUCKS. I call for INJUSTICE! But who would listen?

That's number 1.

NUMBER 2.

My mom. Last night she came home from the Queen City of the South to have her belly x-rayed and everything seemed OK for a bit AND THEN BOOM, this morning was a bitch.

She complained about her belly and how it hurts.

AND THEN when evening came (I was still at the workplace DYING) she just left with my aunt - and neighbor - and she just sent an SMS that she's going to have herself cut/sliced or diced or whatever just to get rid of the kidney stones that has been growing- spawning - multiplying - in her belly ever since.

It's a family curse OR probably a heritage (bullshit). Other people get cars, house and lot and money BUT we get appendicites (on the father side) dashed with high blood pressure and diabetes and (on the mother side - mainly on women) kidney stones AND heart attacks.

Talk about Charybdis and Scylla.

AND number 3 (to top it all off) my baby is REALLY DEAD! I have asked my maker to loan me her dead computer - during her birthday - and promised her 20 years to pay. She said yes.

I just needed the powersupply and then the technician of this café has already INSTALLED everything needed and BOOM...MY motherboard processor is DEAD.

Which - according to Google - is a (head bashing and heart breaking) 5 thousand plus all in all.

THAT shattered my day completely..and it's NOT even HOLY WEEK yet!

Sooooo..I am STUCK in oblivion. In this abyss that probably some crazy god or spirit has tossed me into.

I dunno. NO SIGN of help yet. I was taught NOT to give up in times of troubles. I was MOLDED for fun and joy and laughter and sometimes inflict pain and misery and sometimes DEATH.

BUT right now, I dunno. I AM STUCK! STUCK! STUCK! STUCK!

Right now, I WISH..(aside from casting GLOBAL SILENCE) I could multiple myself 10 or 20 or 30 or EVEN a 100 folds!

BUT then again...I dunno..

Hmmmmm...

This sucks...big time...

"Hello Darkness, my old friend..I've come to..."

FLY by Night...

In this boring, OLD, monochrome (YET) safe and boring town, ONE can always enjoy the happy hours of the weeee early morning!

So, of course, like a vampire, I sometimes go out at night to to our HOME COURT Café just be with my (crazy - lunatic) friends and PLAY DOTA and or just talk and have fun.

SO anyways, at 3:00 this morning - we finished playing already. And my friends and I went out and ready to go home.

THEN this guy just walked in the café and INVITED EVERYONE for a drink at the 24 hours.

EVERYONE said no. Of course. MOMMY always said NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS AND of course NEVER GO OUT WITH STRANGERS.

BUT STILL the GUY kept on PUSHING. INVITING US. FORCING us to go with him.

And so we left the café BUT STILL HE FOLLOWED US! HOUNDED US! (There were five of us) FOLLOWED us until the 24 hours bakeshop here in town.

OF COURSE everyone said no STILL! Even if he pointed at the 24 hour restaurant - which was across the bakeshop.

AND SO finally he left. Hailed a motor cab. AND LEFT US for GOOD!

THANK GOD!

WELL, moral of the story. CRAZIES are out of town AGAIN.

SO.....YOU BETTER watch out, you better not cry!

Here's the guy: (I SNIPED him with my camera!)

Ha?

The only resolution and the only joy
is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes...

HAPPY new Year...

BLAH!

Same old...same old..
You're STILL the way you are..ALWAYS TRYING to make my head heat up so that I'll explode and blow out into proportion.

AND you say it's a test to make me tough and strong.

SERIOUSLY?

Can it just be a multiple-choice kind of test?

Blah!