Oh yeah?!?!?!

Today, is a TUESDAY. And I can say that it's NOT the best day in the entire creation!

Work = deadlines + added stuff to do; edit - proofread.

And yes, I have been promoted to Assistant House Master for the House that I've always been in on THE WEBSITE. You can now call me proud AND confused AHM.

Pressure AND Adrenaline and not to mention the "little" crying inside for a bit.

AND THEN something happened on the WEBSITE and as much as I am SHAMEFUL that this had to happen; I am glad that I VENTED it all out to this person:

1. If THIS person were ON THE WEBSITE on 2003 - Was this person's profile SYSTEM?!?!


2. If THIS person were ON THE WEBSITE on 2004, surely THIS person would recognize me even with clothes on.


I DO NOT usually engage with fights and/or arguments - obviously this is a pissing contest.


BUT, TODAY is not just the DAY to eat CAKE and I'm sorry for that.


Bear with me....


P.S.

Know your WEBSITE's history.

With dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, alcohol and cock and endless balls...

The title of this post is a line taken from the poem Howl (and other poems) by Allen Ginsberg.


A lot of people would DIE to interpret the poem - but then again, you can't interpret poetry - that's why it's called THAT.


I, however, will not try and interpret Howl or any other poem for that matter, but I'll divide this post into sections: "Dreams; Drugs; Walking Nightmares; Alcohol - Cock and Endless balls."

Dreams

I had a bad dream last week - a SICK one.


I was in a circle jerk. A LOT (like 10 or more) boys were in it. And what's more it was in PUBLIC (an internet shop) and what's WORSE, I KNOW someone PERSONALLY.


I told J, my friend AND voice of reason, (who also had a dream last week) about this dream. And flat out he said: You need to get out of where you are; and DO IT often. (Rough paraphrasing.)


Yes, I'm 25, I live in a third world country in the far east; alone; I am SINGLE; and TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I haven't DONE IT in a loooong while.


Yes, it's true. As ICKY as this sounds, IT IS THE TRUTH.


I dunno, maybe I get scared? Maybe I'm just playing safe OR maybe I'm JUST not ready for it - again.


I block or flap every thought and/or insinuation about IT with work - article this, article that.


I'm like Glinda - minus the shimmering blonde hair and BELTING voice that can do a B flat - inside a bubble. Distant from the world. And not letting ANYONE else in it.


Maybe I'm looking for love? Which is a UNICORN.


What about you, have YOU found your Unicorn?

Drugs 

What is YOUR drug? 


Naw, not the one where you need a torniquet AND a long-ass-gauge-needle.


What gets you going? 


Everyday we work - we go to school - we do the things that WE SHOULD do in the world in order to survive the proverbial battle of the wild.


I dunno what keeps me going. When I was working behind a desk before; the boss asked us to bring a picture of SOMETHING that would motivate us to work harder.


Everyone brought a picture of their:


1. dream house
2. dream IPod (it was 2006)
3. dream car
4. a yacht
5. a helicopter


I however, young-er; dumb-er that I am now, brought a picture of a BOOK (A Dirty Job by Christoper Moore - HARDBOUND - it was expensive) and I didn't know better that time and maybe even now.


That was before, the DRIVE to get THIS or THAT book would make me work and do something just to get it, but that was before, NOW, I don't know - maybe just the WILL to live?


Awhile back this afternoon - after lunch - I had a TOOTH AND NAIL fight with my editor OVER THE DARN PHONE - a long distance one (from the state of California); all because ONE of the article that I wrote "didn't sound good."


I do take things seriously - should you know - and this is the JOB. And I really shouldn't just ignore it or hell, SLACK like the pig that I am.


But then again, when someone bites you - you bite back, right? I always make my articles "sound good" entertaining even and NOT sounding like an encyclopedia and/or a Bible thumper that would go door-to-door. I add a lil' sugar - spice and everything nice!


In the end, I won the TOOTH and NAIL fight. Kind of unscathed, but still THAT moment made me think and ponder even.


Professionalism is good - always - but when one pisses on your work after you've suffered hours upon hours of working on it; THAT's another story.


It's work. It's a dirty job.


And to quote a very good friend and mentor it pees the bells.

Waking Nightmares

There are just times in a day when you sit down and THINK of the days before - a waking nightmare, if you will.


Before all of THIS - the lappy top; the job which pees the bells - I HAD NOTHING.


When I was young-er and dumb-er and a student I relied or rather LEECHED on my mom. And I BELIEVED that whatever happens mom will be there to pick me up and brush those bruises on my knees.


Thus the reason I CHOSE to go to the university/college out of town and be away from home - because I know everything will be alright, mom's there.


Rather than getting a course or degree which would help me with life - and NOT to mention one that would surely get me a higher pay - like a nurse or a doctor or hell; one course than you can use in times of emergencies - like the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse for example.


I chose a course that I love - one where I can EAT books and talk about BOOKS. Bachelor in Secondary Education: Major in Literature; minor in linguistics.


Antoine de Saint-Exupéry - Balzac - Chekov - Dante -  Dostoevsky - Faulkner - Flaubert - de Maupassant - Goethe - Kafka - Salinger - Shakespeare - Tolstoy - Williams - Zola. You name it; I ate them all way back in college.


I barely survived the university - NOT as being the one who gets bullied all the time, but by being drunk in class or high even (pot was a bestfriend - along with Kurt Kobain, John Lennon and NIN and yes, Anne Rice) I was 17.


Then my parents broke up DURING graduation (no one walked me down the aisle) - I got shattered by it. 


I ran away from home - to the big baddest city and capital of the country (Manila) filled with crooks, illegal recruiters, hookers, pickpockets, swindlers and drug dealers.

I worked at contact centers - galore - which catered customers from other countries, mainly the United States and/or Europe.


I became a lot of things while in a contact center:


1. Telemarketer - annoying job and not to mention FOR the customer


"Hello my name is ________, from CARLSON; AVAYA; KODAK; WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION; TUPPERWARE; SPRINT; AT&T"


2. Customer service - annoying job too
3. Quality Assurance - listened to calls 
4. Accent trainer
5. And then finally - BOSS (of Accent trainers)


And regardless if I had income and I was told one too many times to save - I didn't listen. Rather than saving, I SPLURGED all of it with online games. I was 21.


From Defense of the Ancients - World of Warcraft down to Zelda, you name it.


And yes, BOOKS - for someone who lives in a very small town with no bookstore (it's TRUE) the INSTANT you see a glossy hardbound book of (for example) "Laurell K. Hamilton's DANCE MACABRE - you grab it and pay it no matter what the cost.


Then the BOMB dropped like that one of Hiroshima and Pearl Harbor combined. The company went bankrupt and they had to CUT - I was part of it.


And then everything just went BLACK. I won't tell you about it anymore - it was just PLAIN BAD.


BUT, now - with a different perspective of things - I KNOW that I should probably be a bit wiser now; given that I've learned THE HARD WAY that the people aren't universalists, but rather individualists.


And to NEVER GO BACK to the darkplace ever - EVER - again.

Alcohol - Cock and Endless balls.

If there's one thing I learned, that is important, is to never take things literally.


And so should you.


NO, this section isn't about "Alcohol - Cock and Endless balls" LITERALLY, no.


It's happiness or at least that's what I THINK those three are. A lil' joy of sorts - minus the sexual innuendos.


If there's one thing a person could be proud of, it's when their work is appreciated or commended even.


I do too - especially with this blog - and it's wonderful to know, really, that some read THIS.

I get to know which countries have read me (who lives in Israel?) and yes, the browser AND thingamajig that people use or YOU - are using.

But then again, I can't help but be annoyed AND at the same time laugh because I'm just too jaded to argue.

Like messages and/blasts for example:

And you have no choice but to just SMILE and GRIN AND BORE IT - because you're nice and good and you don't want to break a nerve or have an aneurysm just because of a lil' annoyance.

But these lil' things give color to life - well, for me at least; the readers, the occasional nut that would drop by and give you random stuff.

Just like show-business  - it won't work without "fans."

And with that, I bid you good night, dear reader - be safe; a storm, as they say, is on it's way.

Stay Warm! ☼ 

That's me in the corner - that's me in the spotlight...

That's me in the corner

That's me in the spotlight, 

I'm Losing my religion

Trying to keep up with you

And I don't know if I can do it

Oh no, I've said too much

- Losing My Religion; R.E.M.; Out of Time

You're a good person, right?


I think I am too, or almost all of us are. In our own weird and unfathomable definition we are.


And because of your goodness, you tend to do some things for someone(s). 


You go crazy at times, overreact even. And THEN while you're in the midst of what you're doing you lose....faith.


Regardless of the PROMISE (which you have kept) - you tend to falter or dare I say it, DOUBT.


You lose your "religion".


I lose faith easily. I get discouraged easily. 


When someone talks about something bad and/or crude or JUST not the way I like it (yes, selfishness included) - especially something I BELIEVE IN - and/or part of, e.g.; boys who likes boys. Duh....


AND if I say something that I THINK would offend someone - I get crazy sad on that. And I apologize. I'm always ALWAYS sorry. I was even told (countless times) "Don't be so hard on yourself."


Yes, emo kid, I am.


I lose faith too.


Just like The Pilgrim, remember? When he was ALMOST there - he lost faith?


Or Dante - yes! - when he was on his way to cross the River Acheron with Virgil = he collapsed!


Maybe, I'm just TOO kind or TOO good, and this is POINTLESS! 


OR MAYBE today's not really the best day in all of my existence and I JUST NEED TO MOPE AND/OR RANT?!


Reasons?


1. The House almost burned to CINDER this early morning = electric post AND rain aren't bestfriends. Thus resulting into BOOM BOOM BOOM and fireworks and finally DARKNESS.


2. Articles to write - 10 per day since yesterday - 500 words on each; to the DOT!


3. Some people think I'm MODELLING, just because I'm flaunting my ass on THE WEBSITE, doesn't mean I am. (I'm doing this as rebellion - VIVA LA REVOLUTION - against those who DO NOT GET IT or a ward against STUPIDITY - along with MY HAMMER!)


4. The rain - hasn't stopped eversince last week. With murk and MUD that would surely spoil your shoes and/or slippers.


I've been in the dark and damp for quite sometime now, I need my

  ☼

I really do...




If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? - The Bard Of Avon




ON OTHER NEWS: (Lighter side of things)

HAPPY AUSSIE DAY!

On Other News: Missing boat with FIVE AMERICANS lands in Maasin City, Philippines

Missing boat with 5 Americans lands in Maasin City


MANILA, Philippines – Five Americans stepped ashore in good health Monday in the centralPhilippines following an international search for their sailboat when it failed to arrive on time in its voyage from the Pacific island of Guam, officials said.

The vessel, called the Pineapple, ran into bad weather after departing from Guam on Jan. 6 on a journey to the Philippines and relatives of the crew _ four men and a woman _ reported them missing Jan. 18.


A Philippine coast guard ship reached the 38-foot (11-meter) catamaran on Sunday after it was spotted by plane the previous day. Rescuers escorted the vessel to the port of Maasin City on Southern Leyte, where the crew refueled, got their passports stamped and treated themselves to a meal, the coast guard said.


With one of its two rudders damaged, the Pineapple will later be escorted to its original destination on Cebu Island.


“They’re all in fine health,” coast guard chief Adm. Wilfredo Tamayo said of the crew, including a Filipino-American in the U.S. Air Force. The U.S. Embassy in Manila has declined to release their identities and hometowns.


The U.S. Coast Guard, which said it had spent 63 hours searching for the sailboat, expressed relief that the boat was found but faulted the crew for failing to take proper precautions. The vessel did not carry long-distance communication or emergency distress equipment and did not file a comprehensive float plan, the agency said.


“I’m elated for the family and friends of the Pineapple, but compelled to point out that this voyage was made without taking basic, commonsense precautions,” said Capt. Thomas Sparks, U.S. Coast Guard Guam commander.


A Philippine coast guard plane spotted the sailboat Saturday off the southern island of Dinagat, but was not able to confirm its identity until Sunday when the weather cleared, Tamayo said.
A woman aboard the boat was able to contact her husband by cell phone at 1:30 p.m. Sunday _ apparently once she came within range of cell phone service _ and he called rescuers in Guam to give them the boat’s coordinates, the U.S. Coast Guard said in a statement.
“The husband confirmed the vessel ran into bad weather and suffered a rudder and radio casualty. This delayed the Pineapple’s voyage but it was never in danger of sinking,” the statement said.
Guam, a U.S. territory, is about 1,400 miles (2,290 kilometers) east of Cebu, where heavy rains and rough seas have been reported in recent weeks.


The U.S. Coast Guard had deployed a HC-130 Hercules aircraft, two Navy P-3 Orion planes, two Air Force C-12s and a patrol ship to search an area of 122,600 square nautical miles (317,530 square kilometers) for more than 63 hours, the agency said.
U.S. authorities were informed of the discovery by Philippine authorities and have been in touch with Philippine officials to provide help to the Americans, U.S. Embassy spokeswoman Rebecca Thompson said.


A video taken from a search plane showed four of the Americans on top of the white-hulled catamaran, one apparently waving, as a rubber boat with coast guard personnel approached.


Many Philippine provinces, particularly in the east, have experienced rough seas amid unusually heavy rains since late December. At least 71 people have died and 23 others remain missing from the stormy weather.


The Philippine coast guard rescued 260 of 277 people aboard nearly a dozen boats that sank, overturned or ran into trouble last week due to the inclement weather. Fifteen remain missing while two drowned, the officials said.


Want more details? Go to Blog For Noob

If only...

...I had a hammer..I would hurl it like Thor's Mjolnir. (say it with me: MULE - NEARRRR!)


Flashback: Long time ago - I was in college - and when you're young (17) you look for something where you feel like you BELONG - and then you drown yourself with wonderful things or things that you THINK is/are wonderful.


And so, I found a WEBSITE. And it was fun - seeing that (almost) everyone in it shared the same interest as you - like Anne Rice or Lestat or (oohhh) shiny fangs.


Then heated debates - arguments - discussions - or mainly TALKING would come about and everyone would have fun or IS having fun.


Yes, crazies would come and say I want to live forever - who doesn't anyway? And yes, DRAMA! What would the WEBSITE be without it's coffee? Some even got suspended UNTIL Infinity (and beyond;  yes, Buzz Lightyear) for it!


BUT, that was a long time ago - and NOW - year of the Mental Rabbit - the WEBSITE still exists.


Regardless if I wasn't able to log-in for like a year or two (long hiatus as some call it) - the WEBSITE is still there/here.


Unfortunately - the first ones to stumble upon THE WEBSITE aren't there anymore, true there are still a few (like me) who would just go there to check on the new things but it's just not the same anymore.


To quote a few friends (first ones on THE WEBSITE like me)


"Oh lord. I don't even LOOK at the forums anymore. It's all nonsensical BULLSHIT rants from over dramatic, emo teenagers begging for attention and affirmation from complete strangers around the world. *snort* I DISLIKE other peoples children."


And another quote from another friend:


"Our time was intelligently stimulated"


What you see now would be things like:


"Please _______ me and I'll return the _______ so that I can get out of the RED"


Someone rated my profile and said:


"You got (OUT OF THE RED) straight away...that sucks...LOL!"


And THEN, we conversed..and THIS someone asked me a question which REALLY made me think:


"What makes YOU think you are not one of  THEM?"


I didn't know what to say really..


But, the ONLY reason I signed up on THE WEBSITE is that I needed a HOME or a safe HAVEN where I can share with anyone (IN THE WORLD - thank you very much) something / things that I know much or don't know much about and THEN we'll TALK about it.


My WEAK answer would be:


I READ content (?) Heh.


But now, regardless if you ask EVERYONE in THE WEBSITE NOT to stick something on your profile - they'd still click on something and POST.


Then TADA! SPARKLING thing - HUGE like the State of TEXAS on your Profile - with links that would lead you to - PHOTOBUCKET and/or their Profiles.


ANOTHER friend pointed out (this one new - but hey, a rockstar) in ways of posting a video/song


"A World Without Logos" (From Hellsing)


BUT then again - to quote the opening song from the (classic) Disney Animated Film Aladdin "It's tragic but HEY, it's home!" 


I have a few people who I can relate to - there's even ONE I pour out everything to - regardless of the MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING - but still THAT ONE is there, one I put on a high pedestal.


This (RANT) is probably another shot in the dark - and I'm NOT the first one to do this and THIS isn't the first time I did this - but then again, like V for Vendetta - WORDS are powerful.


And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is my hammer.

Early Edition Massacre...

With reference to an old show on TV - one where a cat brings tomorrow's paper - I'm writing this in the early morning of Thursday - 13th day of January - year of the Mental Rabbit - 6:09.


The house is empty - a lil' dirty, quite dim and damp too, (it rained again - and they say it will rain until March) but the only sounds I hear now would be the cry of a baby - some roosters cock-a-doodle-doing - the sound of the neighbors' footsteps and them carrying empty buckets on their way to the pump to get water from it so that they can use it later for bathing, cooking/boiling rice or water - for the early morning coffee.


Peace. Five minutes of it. This is what early morning has to offer me.


I'm bothered with something - like a spinach's stuck between my teeth and/or maybe there's something's that the doctor didn't take out - that should've gone with my already non-existant-appendix - from inside of me; probably my gut or spleen or HEY, my BILE.


Yesterday, afternoon, a line from a song - cheesy, yet classic - grabbed my attention and for the first time in my almost two years of being secretary and mini-boss of the only radio station in town - I have finally PONDERED on a song's line.


"Feels like I have lost you forever, like a song in the night..."


My rough - inexperienced - mediocre - translation would be: I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IS FOR NAUGHT!


Yes, ladies and gentlemen - I am COMPLAINING again and STILL I am talking about THE FRIEND. Yes, the friend who shook me right down to my core and you know what the best part is? 


The friend didn't even lay a finger on me.


The FRIEND. Period.


I promised to say HELLO everyday - and as human - meager - fragile - vulnerable as I am; I am trying to keep that promise regardless if the day was harrowing and not to mention work was murder - BUT, there are just times - a few instances - that I would begin to DOUBT my intentions, and ask myself question(s) like:


- what's the point?


BUT STILL after a few minutes of pondering, I STILL say hello.


I'm a suck-up...I pretend that everything's bright and shiny when inside, I'm dark and twisty (in a sort of tolerable way) and not everything's going to be smooth and wonderful and dare I say it - FUN - all the time.


I easily get discouraged - and I am weak; I tend to go over dramatic and/or make a media circus of something which (to anyone else) is small.


Now, because of this HUGE BOTHER - which should have DIED last year - I feel like I don't have a sense of direction. 


I'm lost. 


And I am a lil' piggy slash a heartless automaton which runs on solar power and just do the NORMAL things everyday.


Wake up - take a bath - eat - go to work...lunch - sleep - go to work and then go home again, home again...jiggity-jig.


The usual down spiral of everyday boring routines - I SHOULD and WILL get out of here soon and NOT feel like a trapped great white shark anymore.


AND NOT slap on my show face and face the world - either be bright and shiny or dark twisty.


Today is Thursday - the 13th day of January - Year of the MENTAL Rabbit it's 36 minutes past the hour of 6 morning - it's quite damp and dim outside...I'd better bring my umbrella.

James Franco - I'm gay...

James Franco encounters regular rumours concerning his sexuality, despite going out with celebrity Ahna O’Reilly. The speculation is largely down to the movie options the actor has made as he has played several gay characters inside the past, such as Allen Ginsberg in ‘Howl’, activist Scott Smith in ‘Milk’ and poet Hart Crane in his new piece ‘The Broken Tower’.

Even so, Franco protests that just due to the fact he is fascinated by homosexual characters from unique eras, doesn’t mean he is only interested in men.

“Part of what I’m interested in is how these persons who had been living anti-normative lifestyles contended with opposition,” Franco told Entertainment Weekly. “Or, you know what, maybe I’m just gay.”

Franco finds it amusing that society is obsessed with people’s sexuality.

Nonetheless, he is troubled by the “black-and-white” way the subject is viewed, as he considers it to be a extra complex matter.

“It’s funny simply because the way that type of stuff is talked about on blogs is so black-and-white.” Franco said. “It’s all cut-and-dry identity politics. ‘Is he straight or is he gay?’ Or, ‘This is your third gay movie - come out already!’ And all based on, gay or straight, based on the concept that your object of affection decides your sexuality