Early Edition Massacre...

With reference to an old show on TV - one where a cat brings tomorrow's paper - I'm writing this in the early morning of Thursday - 13th day of January - year of the Mental Rabbit - 6:09.


The house is empty - a lil' dirty, quite dim and damp too, (it rained again - and they say it will rain until March) but the only sounds I hear now would be the cry of a baby - some roosters cock-a-doodle-doing - the sound of the neighbors' footsteps and them carrying empty buckets on their way to the pump to get water from it so that they can use it later for bathing, cooking/boiling rice or water - for the early morning coffee.


Peace. Five minutes of it. This is what early morning has to offer me.


I'm bothered with something - like a spinach's stuck between my teeth and/or maybe there's something's that the doctor didn't take out - that should've gone with my already non-existant-appendix - from inside of me; probably my gut or spleen or HEY, my BILE.


Yesterday, afternoon, a line from a song - cheesy, yet classic - grabbed my attention and for the first time in my almost two years of being secretary and mini-boss of the only radio station in town - I have finally PONDERED on a song's line.


"Feels like I have lost you forever, like a song in the night..."


My rough - inexperienced - mediocre - translation would be: I FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING IS FOR NAUGHT!


Yes, ladies and gentlemen - I am COMPLAINING again and STILL I am talking about THE FRIEND. Yes, the friend who shook me right down to my core and you know what the best part is? 


The friend didn't even lay a finger on me.


The FRIEND. Period.


I promised to say HELLO everyday - and as human - meager - fragile - vulnerable as I am; I am trying to keep that promise regardless if the day was harrowing and not to mention work was murder - BUT, there are just times - a few instances - that I would begin to DOUBT my intentions, and ask myself question(s) like:


- what's the point?


BUT STILL after a few minutes of pondering, I STILL say hello.


I'm a suck-up...I pretend that everything's bright and shiny when inside, I'm dark and twisty (in a sort of tolerable way) and not everything's going to be smooth and wonderful and dare I say it - FUN - all the time.


I easily get discouraged - and I am weak; I tend to go over dramatic and/or make a media circus of something which (to anyone else) is small.


Now, because of this HUGE BOTHER - which should have DIED last year - I feel like I don't have a sense of direction. 


I'm lost. 


And I am a lil' piggy slash a heartless automaton which runs on solar power and just do the NORMAL things everyday.


Wake up - take a bath - eat - go to work...lunch - sleep - go to work and then go home again, home again...jiggity-jig.


The usual down spiral of everyday boring routines - I SHOULD and WILL get out of here soon and NOT feel like a trapped great white shark anymore.


AND NOT slap on my show face and face the world - either be bright and shiny or dark twisty.


Today is Thursday - the 13th day of January - Year of the MENTAL Rabbit it's 36 minutes past the hour of 6 morning - it's quite damp and dim outside...I'd better bring my umbrella.