Bowling for Bitterness...

Ever had one of those moments after watching a movie and you realize - HEY, this - in some level - happened/is happening to me(?)

Well, I had that MOMENT not so long ago.

I recently watched the film/documentary "Bowling for Columbine." You've heard about it, yes? Good.

But before that, I sought counsel from the people I know - the "MEN who know better" - before watching the movie (with the exception of one - who I asked AFTER):




My Voice of Reason - who I asked (meekly because I get scared of his wake-up-slaps) what he thought about it and he told me that the ONLY good part about the movie - Bowling for Columbine - is the part where Marilyn Manson spoke. True. Hands down!







G - I asked if he's heard and/or watched the movie. And told me, flat out what it was - which was what I needed.










A - I asked him about school shootings and I even told him about that I watched a movie called Elephant and eventually, A, told me about Bowling for Columbine and how it's all about school shootings.










Old Buddy Old Chum - I also asked about the movie and while WATCHING it, messaged him how PAINFUL it was to watch - but still he said it's good and even rated the movie a "Meeeh...8.5 - 9"









Rock Star Comicbook Artist - I asked AFTER watching the movie. He said NO, but he recently watched LEON (The Professional) instead and that he think "Natalie Portman is hot" but STILL, like all the others, HE answered my never-ending thirst - GUSTO - ZEST - to ask questions.








The TRUTH is a bitch. BUT, it's the truth and in all honesty I would sadly say THAT, just THIS Saturday (yesterday), I was a recipient of a cold backhand virtual bitch slap which had the message "BACK OFF AND SHUT UP" written all over it.

At the risk of sounding overdramatic and/or overreacting at something which seems so little - I had a moment where I felt like a student at Columbine and/or a victim of violence / bitterness / hatred. You name it.

I feel like a ferret gunned down just because I cared.

It's how I took it - and I'm taking it still, swallowing all of it, little by little, until the SHOCK subsides - like the bitterness of, well, a bitter pill.

Someone tells you that he has something that would eventually kill him in the end - and then tells you to forget everything; would YOU just call it quits? Regardless if you just know each other through messages / chats / pictures / videos / recordings / whatnots? And even to the point of quoting Kurt Cobain when he said I WISH I could eat your cancer when you turn black.

What good of a friend would I be if I just left and didn't care - or better yet, what good of a PERSON would I be if I just left and just said "take care! BYE!"

Is it so bad and demeaning to include someone in your thoughts and prayers - as USELESS as it sounds - and for you to wish for them to MAN THE HELL UP even for just a nanosecond and NOT be a wuss while at it, is IT THAT bad?

Bahhhh!

I don't like violence - hell, I rarely even use the F word and/or retaliate even if someone drops something on me (NOT if I can help it OR when I'm hungry and someone's depriving me to eat)

The ONLY violent streak I made was when I had A MOMENT with an ex-boy long ago.

He hurled one huge liter beer bottle at me. I did a Keanu Reeves and didn't get hit. I grabbed one too and HURLED at him like WHAM!!!

It hit his face. And he NOW carries the MARK! I'm not proud of it, BUT, that was self defense.

WHAT RECENTLY happened to me was like being hurled with a case full of beer bottles, gunned down to the ground and THEN afterwards, pushed over a cliff by a suicidal Mickey Mouse!

In Bowling for Columbine, a LOT of theories or MAYBE's even were raised on WHY those two teenagers brought guns and killed almost everyone in their school.

One guy pointed out that MAYBE because they listen to Marilyn Mason?

The Director of the film (Michael Moore) retorded: Didn't the kids go bowling BEFORE they did the shooting? Why blame Marilyn Manson? WHY NOT blame BOWLING instead?"

A lot of MAYBE's! WHY? WHO? WHAT? WHERE? WHEN? HOW?!?! QUESTIONS!!!!

Maybe I was "too nice" or I "cared so much" OR MAYBE I "killed HIM with KINDESS" and he got tired and/or whatever cliché's the world has.

MAYBE it's time to NOT care and NO LONGER be a Mister Nice Guy and I probably need a "hobby" like Dexter - screw piano lessons.

I AM making a BIG deal of out this - true. Remember baobabs? From The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry? "baobabs were not little bushes, but, on the contrary, trees as big as castles." THAT is how big a deal THIS is to me for now.



To quote The Rock Star Comicbook Artist: "Fuck them! Don't dwell on someone else’s stupid comments."

(I'll put a bookmark on that, old friend. Thank you.)

I have been told COUNTLESS TIMES TO NOT poke my nose any longer - and I didn't listen, I was being PIG-headed. Now, here I am, just like Lucifer from Milton's Paradise Lost, I have fallen from grace - YET again.

I am licking my wounds. Let me mourn. This will take time.

Today - is the 27th Day of February - a RAINY Sunday - probably the LAST day of the month, because tomorrow doesn't count, it's a work day.

Let's all hold hands and sing KUMBAYA and HOPE that March will be better.

MUCH better and LESS bitter.

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. - Maya Angelou ☼