I will try to do something that I haven't done in a long time - writing...

Today is the 19th day of December - a Sunday. And it's 19:48 at the moment, I am at the "hobby's" working place - because it's our Christmas party.


Regardless if I thought of a million excuses just not to be here - I still am here; it's a dirty job someone has to do it.


There are a lot of things in my mind right now, let's make a list:


1. WERK. I haven't checked my work e-mail in three days -I've been slacking and/or I don't have the FLARE in me that would keep me a STAR burning bright, and not to mention the "hobby" is getting harder and harder everyday. Though the only consolation that I could get from the hobby would be the fast WIFI connection and not to mention the perks of being boss - or something close to it.


I didn't even bother claiming the pay on both of them and not to mention claimed or BOTHER even claiming the bonus and thirteen month pays - what will I do with that NOW?


2. a pesky ex-boyfriend who STILL thinks we're together and THINKS that yesterday (18) was our 4th year anniversary. DUDE! I broke up with you like two years ago. WTF?!?


Though as PESKY as this one is - this is just gravy. It won't even shake me NOT even if THIS guy bleeds or turn into a pillar of salt.


I won't - did not - WILL NOT/NEVER - give a rats ass.


3. a friend who just dropped a HUGE BOMB on me - one that would trample every bomb ever made and/or detonated in history. PLUS the fact that the friend told me to forget all about it and the friend's existence - now THAT is a shrapnel.


I did ask a few people - nuns, priests, doctors, nurses and/or just ANYONE I could think that will give a good answer without compromising confidentiality much less a name and/or gender:


What will you do if a friend tells you something HUGE and tells you to forget about everything and the existence of your friend?


But regardless if I deemed all of them as smart and or intelligent - or hell, merciful - they all agreed on one thing.


To be there all the fucking time if ever the friend needs a lil' comfort or something close.


BUT, I don't know still. This, for the life of me, is unexplainable by MAGIC - LOGIC or MATH.


THIS bomb shook me hard - and the shrapnel has torn me to bits.


I still don't know WHAT TO DO but for now I am doing THE ONLY THING that I think is best at this moment - and that is to talk..and talk and keep talking until this friend gets sick of me - regardless of the many things that this friend said out of impulse - out of being pig headed..I'll still be here - or there or wherever - it's the BEST thing I could do or THINK of doing now.


With patience - smarts - ingenuity and EVERYTHING I've learned and/or the world will offer, I WILL USE THAT.


Just to slap a smile on the friend's face and for this friend to forget - even for just a fraction of a second - that the world's unfair and not to mention very cruel and just plain bad.


I'll think of something better - MUCH better than what I'm thinking now. And maybe in time - before everything's over - things would look a bit brighter.


This may seem like holding a candle and facing the wind with it - but still, it's the BEST I could do, FOR NOW...


For a short span of time, things seemed wonderful especially when I found a good friend but also for a short span of time - and only a very few words - everything fell down and broke like Humpty Dumpty.


A few words took my sunshine away.

♔

For now, I'll just wait...and THINK of something to do better in time..because I know I can do whatever I can THINK - DREAM - or even IMAGINE;  REGARDLESS if it's EXPENSIVE - FAR - OR WHATEVER the world will hurl, given time and resources and a clear-focused head.

I CAN DO IT.