The teacher - in my World literature (FOR MAJORS, I may add) - discussed, bantered, and regaled us with Dante's epic poem The Divine Comedy.
We focused only on the first part, Inferno. Which, and I quote my teacher, is the place where most likely you and I are going to be in the end..
First canto, second canto, third, and fourth - where we talked about the first circle. Limbo. Where: "the unbaptized and the virtuous pagans, who, though not sinful, did not accept Christ, reside. They are not punished in an active sense, but rather grieve only because of their separation from God, without hope of reconciliation."
Then, as closing, the teacher pointed us -with sharp finger nails- and asked a very interesting question:
"Between grief and nothing, WHICH would you choose?"
And yes, Faulkner said that.
AND no, I didn't choose or even answer BY THEN.
One hundred million years, a bigger beer belly, turning into the dark(er) side, one million boyfriends and a LOT of one night stands, a crown on my head, later, I still thought of that question.
I had that question ENGRAVED on my skull and think about it in times of, of course, grief.
Yesterday afternoon, while showering, I thought about writing a blog post and would've entitled it "Looking at the World from the bottom of a well" inspired by a song of the same title by Mike Doughty.
But then again, like a bubble and dreams, it went POOF. The thing that I stuffed on my head just went POOF!
They say you need a catalyst to keep on going. And so, catalyst came or rather, HAPPENED!
We, the partner and I, came home early this morning at 5.30 after playing DOTA and just hanging out at the net cafe where we are, now, patrons!
And then, I crawled into bed and SLEPT the sleep of the dead (And just)
BUT it didn't just end there, HE was still awake and was bugging me on how he can't sleep. HE did everything virtually possible for a human being (and a mere mortal like him) BUT still can't. And even gave out the reason that his mind is still active while his body and it's energy is already draining...and then we came to another ROUND of WotW..war of the words.
Which ended in insults! (AS ALWAYS!)
My face. My receding hair. My whatever - he can think of!
M asked, not so long ago, "IS IT BECOMING A BIG DEAL?"
HANDS DOWN! YES!
At first, I ignored it and THEN it has become like a daily drug dosage. Which kinda sucks if you get overdosed. Like a bug that will never go away EVEN if you would flick it one to million times.
The lil' things have all piled up to cover me. It's like it has finally SHOWED up its UGLY head and slapped me in the face.
1. We don't kiss much anymore - REGARDLESS OF WHATEVER REASON HE CAN, in his mind, CONCOCT!
2. We don't TALK MUCH anymore. Because it would ALWAYS end up with (you're thinking of someone, waiting for a text from someone, missing someone, wanting to meet someone)
3. There are just times that I would like to THROTTLE his throat because HE would just CLAM UP and NOT talk for a LONG TIME and sometimes HE does it in the LEAST LIKELY PLACE where you would expect it. E.G.: IN PUBLIC.
I know, it MAY SOUND like cheesy TO YOU..the kissing and the flower and chocolate thingy..it IS cheesy BUT, these are the lil' things I miss.
Then, still in bed, the WotW came to dropping of HUGE BOMB. He dropped his first, which was like a NUKE!
It was about the people I call friends.
I know, I call ALMOST every guy friends. ESPECIALLY when I see something interesting in them.
BUT then again, HE said, they will ONLY last for a minute.
And then, as a LOUSY RETORT, and the only thing on my mind, the only thing I said was: "I'd rather HAVE A MINUTE of borrowed JOY than an eternity of THIS!"
And I clammed up and so did he - BUT still HE didn't sleep yet.
BUT I did. Thankful that I didn't get bad dreams. Thankful that, Morpheus / Oneiros / The Dream King / The Sandman / Lord Shaper / The prince of stories didn't send me nightmares.
Because sometimes, like you, I do get bad dreams.
Which is pretty much difficult to differentiate from the reality in which I wake up to. Hmmmm.
In days time, I will be SILVER!
The holy element that lycanthropes fear, a slice from a blade made from it, they will incinerate on the spot like a moth to the flame! And of course, vampires weaken at the THOUGHT of it. It's a holy thing. Silver. Like Apollo of the sun who is gold, Artemis his twin sister, silver, is of the moon and her arrows are silver-tipped that would rip even your soul!
I WILL BE SILVER!!
On that day, I would LEVEL UP! I would grow (physically) and of course, the bitter fact, I would be one year closer to the cold, dark, embrace of grandmother Death. Where her roses always bloom blue and the sun never sets.
But right now, the ETERNITY has started. And, lil' by lil' I think DEATH is coming a bit too soon.
UNLIKE HIM, who carries the WEIGHT of the world. UNLIKE HIM who ALWAYS refer to his dreams as VISIONS (ESPECIALLY when it's ABOUT me being SCREWED by some straight guy that HE sees as a THREAT!). UNLIKE HIM who would just clam UP at the most unlikely times and who would show UNLIKELY emotions (ESPECIALLY during parties. E.g. A birthday party in which HE announced "I DUNNO WHY I'm NOT IN THE MOOD TODAY!") UNLIKE HIM who spends ALL day THINKING about TOMORROW!
I do NOT have a five - ten - twenty year plan.
A common interview question is: "Where would you be 5 - 10 - 15 - 20 - years from now?"
I dunno WHAT to say to this. I just make up something like: "I'd be happily working in this company, and given everything - the things I've learned from my studies and the things I've learned from this company...blahhhhhhh blaahhh.."
I dunno, REALLY where I'm going. BUT then again, who does?
I NOW KNOW that TODAY matters, because yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and TODAY IS PRESENT!
I have a LOT of things to do. And DYING and be MISERABLE for ALL OF ETERNITY (in my immortal life) would just have to wait ANOTHER DAY!
Because I think that I STILL have a lot of to and I have not (for the IMMORTAL life of me:)
1. been on a plane for MORE than an hour (kay 30 minutes ra ang Manila to Tacloban)
2. been underwater (WITH A SCUBA gear) and swam with dolphins (which are gay sharks and sea turtles (dudddeeee!!!)
3. been on horseback ride (though I've gone BAREBACK in some other ways.) ;)
4. been on a helicopter (THOUGH I DID board it for at least five minutes, when I was five years old, daddy-yo was still in the army reserve whatever that time)
5. been OUT OF THE COUNTRY! Out of my mind, more like it.
6. been in an orgy (threesomes don't count. DUH?!?!)
7. been in a theater where I can watch my favorite musicals: RENT, WICKED or MS. SAIGON
8. been on a plane where you can skydive!!
9. been on stage where one can sing (verse choirs DON'T COUNT too!)
10. mastered the piano! (first stanza AND chorus of It Ends Tonight by The All American Rejects don't count TOO!) and/or played (smoothly) a musical instrument (MY VOICE doesn't count either)
11. made a video or audio book.
12. been THE BOSS. (SECRETARY doesn't count - that's just temporary power and me power-tripping, SOMETIMES!)
13. ATE a whole cake to myself
14. dyed my hair in a different color (HIGHLIGHTS, specks of it, don't count too!)
15. MET an actor (national and international) Miko Palanca, while I was AWAY, asking me for a lighter, at 2 in the morning while I was on lunch break, didn't count!)
16. I HAVE YET to figure out WHAT HE wants if HE gives me "THE LOOK."
17 - 1 million. Some things I have YET to THINK about.
THESE things I probably will do or WILL happen in time.
I WILL try NOT to die yet because of misery and or pain and an ETERNITY of the promised CRUELTY and NAGGING.
NOT TODAY. NOT EVER!
In the END..HE SLEPT! (I HAD snapped a picture BUT HE has deleted it AFTER checking my phone because HE WOULD ALWAYS THINK that I'm TEXTING SOMEONE HE doesn't KNOW!)
And at THAT moment, I wanted to THROTTLE HIM!
As a big fan of J.K. Rowling and Harry Potter. One would note the Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and it's Coat of Arms.
It says:
"Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus"
Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon.
And yes, you can all go take THAT to the bank.
Cheers!
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